If Gatsby is nat God and God is nat Great then what does that make Gatsby?

Soon to be! But current House Minority Leader John Bayner (pronounced BO-nerr) isn't yet quite to be sure, although who doesn't want to be held accountable for spanxing a process for personal political grain? Like idiot savants, do Republicans over exert half their brain pug knuckling in politicks while the other half lies sallow during the strictures of legislating (or de-legistlating)? One autistic nephew played with both hands; one on the piano and the other in his wiener. Sometimes Republicans do just that: play politics beautifully with one hand, yet drool to the tune of finger-banging their own urethrae at a crowded recital. The GOP will always be better at politics - period - because, period.

It must be overwhelming* to hear two parties exhort and flash in the commercial breaks amid the thirty-twelve hours a day of television that the average American watcher per diem. One campaign ad intones, supple: "Hey, I'm from the government and most definitely here to help you as long as you're a laborer or something stupid thereof," while the other party says "Hey motherfuckers, y'all pissed like a sodomized rodent? Y'all want to roll back this Big Gubbermunt Socialist Nigger?" And of course, I editorialized a bit in the former quote; period dot dot period. The problem, however, is that this daily bombardment, whether it's in campaign commercials or in this thing called The Internet that mid-western Freetards are finally getting around to, it wears on the Soul of Man, née Free Time. Interrupting the American Free Time Soul irks our race, even with claims of Rolling Back government like they was Wal-Mart's smiley faced mascot, even if they're extremely rad and religious and fuckable - political epigrammatic bombardment does not a small government make.

This is what has led the Teat Par-tay to lash out like Jiggolos at a Tia Tequila: Tear Patties (Boston accent aigu) are intent on criticizing government to the point of reasonably concluding what they see as wasteful programs of no benefit to them, but the price tag is thus itemized and labeled oh so clearly on every pay-check. And while they may not read legislation, they surely think about all the television they could watch with those added dollars. But their form of government requires agreeing to a two state solution, a precondition that they cannot consciously accept: by positioning themselves against government, the only way to advance their agenda is to infiltrate said government. This is a much more serious and scandalous threat than Islam - this is really happening! This is real life!

But we're not Rosemary, and I sure ain't having a Baby none time too soon. 'Twould ruin me hips.

If the Grand Perception of Democrats (GPD) is that they pursue of legislation, whether it be for the greatness of American humanity or for the self-serving strait of pussy, then they'll be pure as long as they can convince the average Americans who watch forty eight hours of TV a day that they're not Muslim. My point is that people will realize that they like (certain) government action, and that the TeaPers are confused. Either that or they'll just die off, most of them being over 65 and apparently without staples like money and health care, and Democrats will be super forever because Republicans acted like such assholes to the soon-to-be most important voting bloc ever: Latinos.

Besides, how can you do much of anything knowing that it'll all work out, society will never crumble. Unless it does, but even if it does, we'll all be forced to live in underground bunkers. Unless we don't have underground bunkers, so we might as well build some. And while we're at it, let's start hoarding ammunition. And grains and water. Period.

*Being overwhelmed falls into the Scared American category. These Teat Partierres are simply Scared Americannots, so it is imperative that we invade Iran.

Paranoia is as Timeless as a Rolex

Communism successfully infiltrated our society like a male tiger forcing his barbed bit on a mate. Our institutions resemble the apparatchiks of Stalin’s dreams and our children suckle sugar bits chipped from candyland’s Siberian outpost. If not, then we successfully defeated the regimes of our parents’ youth through the paranoid operations implemented by Joey McCarthy and Johnny Hoover in the face of paunched sympathizers.

What, then, to make of The Islam’s veil scare: the soulful agenda of Shariah implementation throughout? Unless you’ve been tucked in Helen Keller’s lower hole for the last some-odd decade, then you’ve heard about the threat posed by Islamic necromancers and the upcoming Final Battle version 7.0. And because terrorists attacked us with planes once, it’s now acceptable for all of us to be complete pussies when it comes to eyeing not-too-dark-darkies, and not just high-miled on a plane, but even in your local bodega where that nasally Yemeni owner smiles and greets you with conspiratal niceties. But this Yemeni should represent just that: the bottom rung of America, owner of a bodega on shit-street central, suspicioned by whites, blacks, jews, but maybe not Mexicans and their ilk who can’t speak Phlenglish.

Samuel Huntington successfully invented three words: Clash. Of. Civilizations. His plurality denotes only a pair, however, in the modern day Capulets of the West and the latter day saints of The Islam. Regardless of who fucked who first (although, to be fair to The Islam, it was us, and we did it anally aught lube), we have an incredible advantage. There’s about a dozen Islam-oriented states: Yemen, Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Iran, Indonesia, U.A.E., Pakistan, India, France, Sudan, Egypt, Delaware, etc., and I am hard pressed to make up any more. Obviously, this is a clash of 12 countries versus the rest of a world armed with fucking nuclear tear drops, fake tits and water, so we have some strategic advantages. The question I ask my brothers: is all the paranoia justified?