What i meant to say about john roberts that i couldn't say yesterday because he's a super dork

My original comments about John Roberts, the former poster boy for democracy and a poster man for the ointment industry, were flagged by the FCC for being too... too... racist. I called him a dirty cracker jack fingering walrus.

According to amendment 7.08.SC-2 of the FCC's penal colony code, it is illegal to call former U.S. ambassadors words like "cracker" and "jack" and "fingering walrus". What I didn't know, is "if said offensive words are preceded by an identifier verbal type conglomeration, per resolution 17.03.SIO30-393.3, the parties resulting in the words associated above, but not before, the last word stated in the row may be able to finger [sic] yourself."

This is a formal resolution, but the FCC, upheld by the UN and NATO, and signed by the members of both Britian and Liberia's parliaments. This is a legal document, that was not supposed to be read by the members of the public, i.e. my interns, and therfore not subject to prosecution.

What we were also told was that we were also told to edit our newspaper and told that we were was to sit. The bureaucratic language they spoke was translated by our Farsi translator, who took a picture, and then drew an animated sketch to accentuate our asses:



By reviewing the law, we were able to break free, but only after having harsh sex with nazi chinchillas and erotic college mascots.

P.S., I'm the one with the sexiness all over