John Bolton

John Bolton is the smartest guy I know personally. The others ask for regime change; John Bolton is a regime change. His arguments for Iranian regime change in the WSJ's July 15th issue is one of the most influential ever made for now.

The only thing you need to know, however is that "[w]e will be blamed for the strike anyway, and certainly feel whatever negative consequences result, so there is compelling logic to make it as successful as possible."

Yes, but before we do that, let's take a page out of the great vaudeville classics and redirect the pain:

Mr. Bolton is the brother of teen idol Michael Bolton, and together they have created one of the greatest duets in history: the older, mustachioed, bespectacled and general hussier of the two, John, adopted a role as statesman and philosopher, whereas Michael became curly haired and eccentricly sexed. The first Behind the Music ever made was about them, and because this was done before CNN, people thought they were the Presidents of Americans.

Fast forward to three months ago, or something like that. After being politely refused breakfast at the UN eatery for the fifth time, John Bolton realised he was no longer the ambassador to the U.N. (representing the United States and England and China, the first man to be a tri-mbassador, pronounced trimbassador)

Some people like to use the label neo-conman, but I like the nom de gruyere assigned by the great human rights activist Sissy Spacek: ambassadorable