recent things i found out

HOOOOOOO!!!!

When I was young I had really bad asthma. In fact, I had such a bad asthma attack when I was two, I was taken to the emergency room and given some odd drug. My parents said that when we got home from the hospital, I started running around like a crazed fuck. I couldn't stop going crazy and for hours i ran around the house (luckily i kept my clothes on, HOOOOO!!!).

Anyway, I had a heartrate of 130 bpm, and for a two year old, that's fucked. My mom thought I was going to die, which would have been hilarious (for me, not for her).

My parents called the emergency room back and asked what to do. They said to give me benadryl, and after three more hours, I slowly began to fade fade fade...

I think this fried some shit, hopefully.

Three or four years later, while at a gas station in rural georgia, my brother was pumping the gas into the family car. He was about eight or nine. He took the nozzle out of the intake, but left his hand on the trigger. He pointed it into my face. WHOOOOT!

I was taken to the hospital and they shoved charcoal into my stomach to sop up the gas. They also put glow in the dark eye drops into my eyes to search for signs of gasoline damage to my retina. WHOOO! Talk about a sweet halloween costume! GLOW IN THE DARK EYES!

I asked my dad over dinner if he could score a bottle of glow in the dark eyedrops next time he was in the emergency room. He said FUCK YEAH because we're the coolest family in smyrna, ga.

When i grow old and have kids, i'm gonna fuck them up, and they're gonna be great artists.